On being an orphan

Just this week, 5 of my friends became orphans. I've been thinking about what it means to be an orphan at 40 something. Actually, for me it was 30 something. I couldn't give my friends any assurance that the lost feeling of being parentless will go away. In fact, nearly 15 years later it hits me every so often and usually when a significant event happens in my life or the life of my family. For instance, when my brother and sister-in-law got married and then had their first child. Both events were cause for great joy in our family, touched with a bit of sadness that my parents weren't there to celebrate with us. And as my niece and nephews grow up, I often think how much my parents would love to be part of their lives. And how much my sister, brother and I want them to be with us and even still, give us their advice. I still miss my mom and dad. I want my niece and nephews to know their grandparents, but they never will. I haven't tried to replace them with 'other' parents. But God has blessed me with important, mature and wise people who I can turn to when I need a little parenting. It's not the same, but I'm grateful for that blessing.

Being parentless brought my siblings and I closer together. I think we are more concerned about each other and check up on each other more, because we don't have parents who do that. I am so grateful that loss didn't separate us. God keeps us connected and we know we need each other.

Yes, being an orphan is sad even as a grown up. Thank God, He puts us in families, both literally and in the church. To my 5 friends, I'm sorry and I pray comfort and peace for you. I also pray that the emptiness will be filled by your amazing physical family and by your spiritual family. God is faithful and He is our Father who knows what we need.

Transitions

I'm starting the process of writing about transitions. This day has been spent reading through my journals which started before I left for Latvia and continued for a few months into my return to St. Louis. I've also sorted through my notes from the Debriefing and Renewal retreat. It's been an emotional day as I've lived through the highs, lows, excitement, hurt, joy and pain of those 3 plus years. But, it's also made me lonely for those days when my walk with the Lord seemed so much more alive and passionate. I long to return to that desire for an deep, intimacy with Jesus, not just a routine, occasionally charged walk. Oh, don't get me wrong. I find the Lord speaking to me and challenging me to grow and mature regularly. It's the need for Him that seems to have changed. That's what happens when I live in America, I think. But, I can't blame it on that. It's me - independent, proud and selfish. And right now, I think the Lord is trying to do a new thing in me. Lord, do it!

I'm back and rambling...your thoughts on transition would be helpful. I'm thinking it might turn into an Officer Magazine article. We'll see...

In Between Again

I'm considering whether I should shut my blog down or start a new chapter with my move to Chicago? I'm feeling the urge to write again and definitely feel like there will be many new adventures when I get to the College for Officers' Training. But, how many of those can I put down here???!!! I will be learning new things, stretching in new ways and exploring one of my favorite cities once again. I guess that's enough to keep writing about...