Going or staying

I've spent the last few years doing a lot of thinking, studying and teaching about transitions. Understanding the transitions of our lives, especially those of us who are officers or move often, is so important. Of course, moving isn't the only kind of transition. Perhaps more difficult to work through are the 'stages of life' transitions.

Recently, I've recognized that I need stability in the midst of the transitions. I don't know if it's become so critical for me because of the stage of life I'm in - hit a milestone age, the reality that I will most likely never marry or have children(definitely won't have children), or because I'm in my 4th home in the last 4 years. For whatever reason, I've been seeking stability.

I'm reading a book called "The Wisdom of Stability". The context is a community of believers in an urban setting, who are committed to staying there. But the basic principles, I hope, will help me find what I'm looking for. You will see some of the more thought-provoking and challenging quotes randomly on my Facebook page. That's it for now. I'm not sure where this is going or where it will lead. This I know for sure, God is my foundation and it is and will be all about Him.

A collision of worlds

Being in London this week, has been like a collision of my worlds. I came specifically this week to be at the commissioning as a Salvation Army officer of my friend, Sarah, from Latvia. While here I'm staying with old friends from the US and visiting friends who I've know since training. I also visited my goddaughter and her family who are officers in the UK, who were close friends in Latvia and remain close even though we are a continent apart. At the commissioning meetings I ran into friends from ICO,we were together nearly 12 years ago now. Plus meeting a number of other people who I met during my time in Latvia. All of it has been wonderful but a little crazy, too. It is surreal to pass someone in a hall or meet for a minute at a coffee shop as if I see them regularly rather than once in the last four or more years. I had only a few minutes to connect with people from Latvia who mean so much to me and were part of a life-changing three years. Even spending a couple of days with friends, seems less than ideal when it will be another year, at least, before we meet again. It is a privilege and blessing to have so many friends from different parts of the world. But also sad that we don't see each other or keep in touch. I'd like to commit to doing better at corresponding, but I know once I get home and back at work it won't happen. So, I'm thankful for these brief blessings.

Another thing has just occurred to me while I've been here. It's four years this week since I left Latvia. That means I've been home a year longer than I was there. It seems unbelievable in so many ways. I've had 3 different appointments, lived in 3 different cities. I guess that's why the time has gone so quickly. I'm only just now feeling settled in this appointment. And nothing will ever compare to those 3 years in Latvia. It still comes up often in my thoughts and conversations (probably more than people would like.) I still want to tell the story when someone will listen. And sometimes I still feel like I'm getting used to living in the US. No conclusions to these thoughts. I just wanted to get it out there.

Feeling blessed beyond measure with family, friends and opportunities.

Lessons from Numbers

I'm going to try blogging again. I've missed writing, as these days I rarely write more than an email or a hundred. There are some lessons I've been learning in this new role that I would like to 'process' in this venue. Carefully, of course, as I can't break confidences or let on when I don't know what I'm doing.

This month I started reading the book of Numbers. I'm not sure why I chose it but as I've been reading, I know why the Lord wanted me to read it. There are so many lessons about leadership. Today I was struck with several from Numbers 10. Someday they may become a sermon or a teaching series. For now, they are just some thoughts.

First and most significant, Always be aware of God's presence with me and going before me. This is a truth that is hard for me to understand. It's about God as God. He is here and He is where I will be tomorrow. What comfort I find in that reality.

Then there are the practical lessons, such as Be sure to give clear directions and Be organized. Both so important and not always easy to accomplish.

And finally and for me the most difficult, Have a mentor close by. Moses said to his father-in-law, "Please do not leave...you can be our eyes." We all need someone to help us see where we should go. I certainly do.

Social Butterfly or Introvert

When I was a young officer, my leader called me a social butterfly. He is one of my mentors and friends. He also is an introvert. I was never sure if he meant that as a tease or was in awe of my extroverted nature. Being social and everyone's friend was a priority for me for a long time. That got me into trouble! Now, I still like people. But as I've gotten older, I find myself looking for more time to myself. I've always found that I get energized by people. Now, it seems to be the reverse. I need time alone to have energy for being with people. I don't think there is anything wrong with either personality trait. Maybe I'm learning balance in my maturity and through experience. I certainly don't think I'm a 'social butterfly' anymore. And making sure everyone likes me is not my goal in life. I think it's a good thing to find a balance between being with people and being on my own. It seems to be more like how Jesus lived His life here.

So here's my question for those who read this. What about you? Social butterfly, hermit or mixture? Has your personality changed over the years?

Today the sermon was about the Magi's encounter with Jesus. Matthew 2:12 says after they had seen Jesus they chose another route (my translation.) The preacher said 'we can never go back once we've worshipped Jesus.' I want to live this way every day. First of all, being with Jesus and then going forward to new 'routes'. Happy New Year! Spend time with Jesus and move forward!

On being an orphan

Just this week, 5 of my friends became orphans. I've been thinking about what it means to be an orphan at 40 something. Actually, for me it was 30 something. I couldn't give my friends any assurance that the lost feeling of being parentless will go away. In fact, nearly 15 years later it hits me every so often and usually when a significant event happens in my life or the life of my family. For instance, when my brother and sister-in-law got married and then had their first child. Both events were cause for great joy in our family, touched with a bit of sadness that my parents weren't there to celebrate with us. And as my niece and nephews grow up, I often think how much my parents would love to be part of their lives. And how much my sister, brother and I want them to be with us and even still, give us their advice. I still miss my mom and dad. I want my niece and nephews to know their grandparents, but they never will. I haven't tried to replace them with 'other' parents. But God has blessed me with important, mature and wise people who I can turn to when I need a little parenting. It's not the same, but I'm grateful for that blessing.

Being parentless brought my siblings and I closer together. I think we are more concerned about each other and check up on each other more, because we don't have parents who do that. I am so grateful that loss didn't separate us. God keeps us connected and we know we need each other.

Yes, being an orphan is sad even as a grown up. Thank God, He puts us in families, both literally and in the church. To my 5 friends, I'm sorry and I pray comfort and peace for you. I also pray that the emptiness will be filled by your amazing physical family and by your spiritual family. God is faithful and He is our Father who knows what we need.

Transitions

I'm starting the process of writing about transitions. This day has been spent reading through my journals which started before I left for Latvia and continued for a few months into my return to St. Louis. I've also sorted through my notes from the Debriefing and Renewal retreat. It's been an emotional day as I've lived through the highs, lows, excitement, hurt, joy and pain of those 3 plus years. But, it's also made me lonely for those days when my walk with the Lord seemed so much more alive and passionate. I long to return to that desire for an deep, intimacy with Jesus, not just a routine, occasionally charged walk. Oh, don't get me wrong. I find the Lord speaking to me and challenging me to grow and mature regularly. It's the need for Him that seems to have changed. That's what happens when I live in America, I think. But, I can't blame it on that. It's me - independent, proud and selfish. And right now, I think the Lord is trying to do a new thing in me. Lord, do it!

I'm back and rambling...your thoughts on transition would be helpful. I'm thinking it might turn into an Officer Magazine article. We'll see...

In Between Again

I'm considering whether I should shut my blog down or start a new chapter with my move to Chicago? I'm feeling the urge to write again and definitely feel like there will be many new adventures when I get to the College for Officers' Training. But, how many of those can I put down here???!!! I will be learning new things, stretching in new ways and exploring one of my favorite cities once again. I guess that's enough to keep writing about...

Haiti photos

There's so much to tell but I'm still processing. Here are the photos (sorry there are so many!)

haiti 1008

October

october 08"

It's been a busy month but a beautiful one. Here are some pics from a walk through the Sculpture Park one day on my way home from work; Rally Day at Euclid; Officers' Councils in Branson. And early tomorrow I'm on my way with 4 other team members to Haiti for a week. Hopefully, I'll post some pics and a report when I get back.

More Summer Fun!

summer st. louis

summer st. louis

pilgrimage 08

dhq party

Last Day of Vacation

Family

I've written lots about our new addition, Kyle and he is wonderful. I just want to say how much I love my whole family. Abigail and I had so much fun this week. We always do. And I love being at DH with my sister and her husband. It's great to watch them in action and to see and hear how God uses them. And of course, Chris and I always have lots to talk about when we drive around taking care of the multitudes of errands she has to get done. The boys are funny and don't seem to mind hanging out with their aunt Evie. And being with Steve and Ketsia is wonderful, even before Kyle came. Now, it's fun watching them adjusting to parenthood. I'm really blessed with a family who care about each other and like to be together. So, even if it was just for a week - it was a good week and I'm grateful I had it.

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When did he eat last? Is it every 3 hours? Should we have changed him before taking him for a walk? Does he need a hat? Should he be sleeping or awake? All questions that 2 aunts and 1 cousin are asking this evening as we babysit Kyle so his parents can see a movie. A movie, by the way, that Matt and I want to see too, but are graciously letting Steve and Ketsia see first. Kyle is 2 weeks old today and continues to be spoiled by us all. I only have another day and a half before returning to St. Louis and Pilgrimage preparation. I plan to get as much baby time as I can. This week has significance in the Merritt family too - soccer try outs for Matt and Ben. Lots going on here or as Matt described it "this house is crazy!" And then you add the Olympics! (Just what is synchronized diving?) Back to the house - it's a fun place to be with lots of energy and laughs.
One week is definitely not enough time for meeting a new nephew, enjoying the rest of my family and actually getting rested. But, it's what I get and will have to do for now. I probably won't take the remaining days until Christmas.
I've linked my blog to facebook and not sure how I feel about that. I'm not sure how I feel about fb in general. It seems to take over a person's life. It's fun to catch up with old friends but still, so many applications to sort through and some strange, random people asking me to be their friends. Present readers excepted, of course. Tomorrow, a little shopping, baby holding and another day of avoiding lotus notes. I bought a new camera and will try to figure out how to download my pics tomorrow, too.

kyle nelson diaz

I've actually seen and held Kyle today - the first day of my vacation. So, in this album are new pictures which I've taken myself. It's wonderful being with my family and celebrating this special gift. I'm sad that it's only one week, but excited that the Diaz family will spend some time in St. Louis later.

Sundays and other days

Yesterday I started reading the book of Joel. The first chapter is not the happiest, but is certainly relevant. I live in St. Louis, identified as the most dangerous city in America. (as an aside my sister lives in Detroit, 2nd most dangerous and my brother in the not so safe country of Haiti - there's a study for someone but I digress.) This is a depressed city in many areas. If you drive on the north side, you would think they had lived through a war and no one cares about reconstruction. A couple weeks ago I went with my cousin to her northside church, St. Alphonsus the Rock Catholic Church. I'd been promising to go since I moved here and finally it worked out. I went to learn a little more about my cousin, Connie's faith and to get a sense of an active worshipping community in that part of St. Louis. We are doing a strategic study to determine our role and it will be important to have partners in whatever we do. Wow, I was amazed. First, the gospel singing was strong, musical and moving. Connie and her husband are in the choir. It's a multiethnic, spirit-filled group. I loved it! This was the most evangelical service I'd been to in a long time. The priest challenged his congregation (and me) to have a sense of urgency about sharing the gospel message. He preached on the parable of the weeds and said the hope for the weeds was in us. He finished by acknowleding that he preaches on this topic frequently and would continue because St. Louis had not yet seen a revival. He reminded me of our Global Day of Prayer group who are passionate about St. Louis being transformed. I recommitted myself to be involved in this city and whatever little part I can play in bringing the Kingdom here. So, I'll continue to read Joel because I know there is hope and the power of the Holy Spirit coming!
Last weekend I was at CBLI (Central Bible and Leadership Institute) with Darta and Karina. Well, actually, they were with their camp staff friends and I met up with some of my friends. I also got to know some of the Midland young adults a little better. I had one of those moments during the Sunday morning worship. I was sitting with my good friends, Chris and Linda. They have played important roles in the lives of the youth and young adults in the territory. In front of us were Darta, Karina and their friends from this division. In front of them were a group of young adults who I have known all or most of their lives. There sat Nathan, who was in Grand Rapids when I was DYS and sang in my little praise group. Kirsten, who I've known since birth and continue to develop an 'adult' relationship with. Eric and Cathleen, I've watched them grow up and marry and become amazing leaders. Another Nathan, who has grown from a quiet young boy to a mature, engaging young man. I was struck by how blessed I am. I get to see the fruits of my small bits of influence in the lives of so many from here at home, in Latvia and the future blessings of new lives in my life like Jenny, Kelly, Crystal and Rob. There they were all around me. And I haven't even mentioned the dozens of officers who were there and went through training while I was on staff, now serving God faithfully and making a difference. I haven't said it very well, but I was absolutely overwhelmed with the goodness of God and His faithfulness to me. It was also a reminded that I need to live in the present because God has more to do and I want to be part of His work.

Latvia comes to USA

A few photos taken from the girls' (Darta's) 1000's of pictures from the summer. They saved them all on my computer so I have property rights, right?! Karina left on Wednesday and Darta will go next Thursday. It's been a good summer for them.


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My new nephew, Kyle Nelson Diaz

It's quite a story but briefly, Kyle arrived early and Steve was still in Haiti. He got to Michigan four hours after Kyle was born yesterday. Everyone is very tired but healthy and happy today! I am in St. Louis, wishing I was holding the baby in Michigan. I will be next week!

kyle nelson diaz

kyle nelson diaz

Unshaken

I've spent the last hour catching up on my friends' blog writings, which also caught me up on the happenings in Latvia. My heart is full of memories and longing to see it for myself. Next year!

I've been reading the book of Hebrews and am reminded again of God's character which is really indescribable but so real to me. He is unshakeable, faithful, loving and true. His plans for me are unimaginable but I trust Him. And when life seems shaky, uncertain and just plain crazy - He is all I need.

Why I love the Euclid corps (where I supposedly soldier but only make it once a month.) Several weeks ago one of the key employees/soldiers died suddenly. Tileatha left behind a young son, John. The first Sunday after she died, we had a beautiful service. It wasn't about Tileatha, but of course everyone was thinking of her. Jimmy sang "Blessed Assurance" and as usual, most of us were humming along, fitting in our own parts. Gradually, the chapel got quiet as we heard Jimmy's beautiful voice and one other, rather out of tune, hummer joining in. It was John. He's a special boy and tears began to run down my face as I listened to him confidently humming to these words, "This is my story. This is my song. Praising my Jesus, all the day long!" Simple but sure faith. This past Sunday was my next time at the corps. John came up and before I could ask how he was, he put his arm around me and asked me how I was doing. Soon he will be going to live with his sister. I'll miss him. Also this Sunday we had 6-7 new children come to the corps as a result of an outreach BBQ they did last week. We were pretty sure these kids had never been to church before, but they were so good. Restless, but very sweet. One little girl eventually ended up next to me. I gave her a mint and she immediately wanted enough for the rest of the kids. At the end of the meeting they were all getting a little jumpy and I moved up to help them. My friend and corps officer, Janice, said very firmly "Leave them alone, they aren't disturbing anyone!" Hmmm, sounds like something Jesus said to the disciples. We sang a rousing, old marching song at the end of the meeting. Without any encouragement 3 of the littlest ones held hands, with me on one end and began to march - in place. Already learning how to be good Jr. Soldiers! Maybe we'll make our Come Join Our Army goal after all (for you non-USA readers - don't ask.) I digress...it was an exciting morning and today the corps people are still talking about it and making plans for children's church, certain the kids will come back tomorrow. God has exciting plans for Euclid and I'm glad I get to be a little part of it.

I was on the staff for our divisional music camp (again, sort of as I also had to keep up with all of my divisional secretary duties.) It was a wonderful time to get to know the rest of the faculty and camp staff. Bill and Linda Himes were the guests and I had them mostly to myself, as their host. It was great to catch up and have time for really good conversations. The beginning of the week, it felt like we weren't going to get much accomplished with the campers. They were a young and challenging bunch. But the final concert proved us wrong. Every group performed beautifully and enthusiastically. Not only musically, but they also responded to the spiritual direction of the camp. The faculty were very sensitive in that regard and cared wholeheartedly for the kids. I preached for the Sunday worship and really felt the Lord speaking through me. I know people were praying, because the kids listened and responded. I haven't preached to kids (ages 8-18) for a while and the night before rewrote my sermon and then while I was preaching cut out a few more bits. Well, actually I believe the Holy Spirit took over and said what needed to be said through me. Thank God for His work.

And throughout all of these days, the flood continues. To make it more 'disastrous', the disaster director quit as of the end of June. I spent a few weeks working through resumes and talking with applicants, finally settling on someone who works at DHQ. He officially starts in a month, but is doing more than his share helping me get through the flood relief work, thanks to his current boss. That's taken most of my time and energy and is why I've come home at night thinking I might write here or send a few emails but end up watching a little TV and going to bed. I think things are turning around and maybe I'll be able to enjoy the last few weeks of summer. If you are interested in what's been happening visually - see the photos below.

Summer Fun!

Time with the girls

zoo and deer

Time with Steve and Ketsia

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Time at Music Camp with friends

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