What an adventure

Sometimes I want the Adventure to stop!

I’m fond of saying that life is an adventure and this is all part of it. But I have to admit that there are times when I would like to just live a normal life (as if I have any idea what that means.) This week is one of those weeks – not that anything terrible has happened – well, not much. But, I’m tired of still being in a state of newness and feeling ignorant more often than wise and feeling totally out of control. After the Thursday evening adventure, I stayed home on Friday hoping to get quite a lot done but honestly don’t know what I did. Saturday was a regional Day of Prayer. It was well attended and people were so glad to be together praying and worshipping. I missed most of it because I was responsible for hosting. It wasn’t hard and I’m sure I could have had more help, but I wanted the others to be able to be fully involved in the program. For some reason which seemed entirely reasonable at the time, I scheduled another trip to Daugavpils on Sunday. I have so few free days when I can observe the cadets there. So, I grabbed this one. However, apparently my brain ceased functioning sometime on Saturday, if not before. One of the girls who helps with translation and is a friend, Dana, was to go with me. I told her what time I’d pick her up and arrived nearly on time. It was a beautiful spring day and I was actually looking forward to time in the car with Dana and the view on the way. We were making good time, so I decided we’d stop for a drink and a little good Latvian bakery. That’s when I looked at a clock and realized I had made a big mistake. My math was incorrect and we left a whole hour later than we should have. No, the time didn’t change and I was perfectly aware of how long the trip would be. I simply subtracted 3 ½ from 11 (starting time of service) and came up with 8:30. No way would we get there even close to on time and the only reason for going that far twice in one week was to observe the cadets leading and speaking. We weren’t even going to spend any length of time talking with them afterward as they had something else to do. So, after banging my head several times we turned around and came home. I got home in time to get to Riga 1 for church, which was nice. Henrik preached about the spiritual discipline of ‘confession’. Afterward I went straight home and spent the evening grading papers. I accomplished a lot so felt OK about the change in plans. However, grading papers I think was the point of feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about my work here. The thing that struck me is that I really don’t know what the cadets are learning and especially what is sinking in and meaningful to them. All work has to be translated from Latvian or Russian and I can’t be absolutely certain of the translation (Solveiga is great but this was a lot of work for her.) I can’t be sure of the intent of their writing or even the originality of their thinking. Sometimes I feel like what we are teaching is the wrong thing or more precisely, not what they really need to know. But, I don’t know what the right thing is if this isn’t it. That’s when it hits me that ultimately their training is my responsibility. I know, I know, that’s way too much to put on myself and there are a lot of people here who support through teaching, translating, working on committees, etc. But, more than any other place I’ve been, I’m in this one on my own as far as ‘the buck stops here’. Some people like that kind of life. I’m more of a team player and I think this is the reason I’m so tired. Here’s my confession for today – I blew up at Solveiga and then poor Sarah who just happened to walk in, because Latvia has two holidays next week which I was unaware of. That means rearranging schedules and canceling classes so they have the days off. You would think I’d be rejoicing at the free time! No, I just thought about how little time we have to teach them all they need and now I’ve lost two days! If I heed Henrik’s sermon from Sunday, I will have to talk with Sarah and Solveiga tomorrow (see James 5).

Why write all of this? So I can sound totally pathetic? No, although it’s probably true. But, so that those of you who read this with the thought of praying for me will know how to pray. And feel free to give advice, admonish me or whatever else you think might help.

A couple more things to pray about: 1. I had an email at the end of the day about Guna, Riga 2 corps leader and my Doctrine co-teacher, she is pregnant and went to the hospital today with appendicitis. I don't have an update tonight. I had to crash study for her lesson tomorrow - man and depravity - no big deal! Pray for her and for the poor cadets who have to listen to me tomorrow. 2. I have morning prayers tomorrow and even at this late time (nearly 11pm) I'm not sure what to do. Part of that is because I've been studying doctrine most of the evening. The other reason is because I want to challenge the cadets on a problem that is effecting all of them and our atmosphere around the school. But, I'm not sure of the right way to do and when. It's a very big issue which needs to be addressed and I'm pretty sure I'm the one who needs to do it. I have an idea about how, but want to be careful I'm not manipulating them by using prayer time. Anyway, without more details, I'm asking for your prayer support.